Family jokes
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your fat ass mom.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
Why do orphans play Minecraft? Because they have no home.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂