Everyone jokes

Attention to everyone - I will be leaving for 3 weeks for a summer break. I will be back in 3 weeks. When I come back, I want someone to tell me everything that has happened over these weeks. (Gwen or Addison Banks).

Sincerely, watersharky.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

Everyone stop making 9/11 jokes; they just don't fly.

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."

- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"

*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD