Everyone jokes

Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

Why are orphans so famous for their jokes?

Because everyone says go big or go home!

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?

The helicopter blade!

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?

Everyone gets a turn ;)

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

"Among Us" is a game (Skeld) where there is an imposter trying to hijack the ship and kill everyone. Does this sound similar to September 11, 2001?

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!

(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!

(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.