Everyone jokes
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What is everyone’s favorite class?
None, because people don’t like school.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
Everyone is autistic midgets.
Guess who I saw at school today? Everyone I looked at. loooooooool
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
Deez nuts, can we get much higher?
Boioioioing boioioioing, my name Jeff.
Arabic Nokia ringtone, bingchungus, wholesome 100, everyone liked that, Keanu Reeves chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, YouTube poop XDDDDDDDDDDDD.
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.