Everyone jokes

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.

Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

Why would doors do well on social media?

Everyone looks for their handles.

When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"