Everyone jokes

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.