Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!
I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!
Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.
For I have everyone's IP address.
Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"
Me: "No, it's an emo."
Everyone: "Oh."
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles.
Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
