Everyone jokes

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-

Why would doors do well on social media?

Everyone looks for their handles.

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.