This kid was crying so I asked him where his parents where. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day... Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away... I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand... When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
If I had a coin for every time someone said "If I had a coin" I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
“Don’t sneeze”
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends I would always tell them “Don’t sneeze” and when I did they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed we laughed even harder.
Also,
“It dangles and swung” Language art quizzes are the best
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Why ain’t Indian packiscan aloud in the World Cup of baseball? Every time they hit a corner they open a shop
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time
Kenny is a comfort snacker. Every time he's stressed he eats his mom's pussy.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
YOUR SO POOR YOU USE THE SAME TOILET PAPER EVERY TIME YOU TAKE A POOP
So my kid every time I walk in the door he shuts his laptop so i check his history It was good but my wife checked mine and she didn't say the same the words I head was get out.
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop I thought there had been a horrible accident.
Hey fatboy why are you so damn fat? Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset, she said it’s to small, so that’s all, but later that day, he wanted to say, every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lieing, she started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all, everyone said, fly away big chunky balls.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”
Then it all happened
The fly dropped six inches
The fish came up and caught the fly
The bear came out and caught the fish
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich
The mouse went for the sandwich
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of time.
Bf: Well it's either yes or no.
Gf: ...
Bf: Well when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, It has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, It has moved twice so he sinned twice." "The man asks, Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
Guy it was so weird yesterday I saw a guy and he kept repeating the same thing over and over I hate people with dementia I told my mom to get a new mirror but she she won’t listen to me it’s almost like I sand it like 20 times every time I say it
