Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Did u know a erasor on a pencil slowly dies of your mistakes and did u know your actually supposed to live for 25 min but every time u breath resets time
There’s so many protests. Every time I see my body my choice, I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
edward scissor hands: why is it that every time i touch someone they get ofended? kids: cause your a physco path
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.
You no your ugly when you git handed the cameras every time your frind's have a group picture.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Why don’t Chinese people model because it would look like the same model every time
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
Why can't Indians play baseball bc every time they hit a corner they open a shop
if i had a dollar for every time you said something smart id be broke
My family is lucky I was born so smart, every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck, every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
are you a red light because i stop every time i see you
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one
I said to the emo girl she gets jealous every time her phone dies.
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
