You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
