Every Time jokes

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.