Every Time jokes

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.