Etiquette jokes
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.