Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
