Etiquette jokes
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.