Etiquette jokes

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

How do you piss off a disabled person?

You put the cookie on the other shoulder.

Why are french fries rude?

Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.