Etiquette

Etiquette Jokes

Breakfast

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Butt

Why don't butts get along?

Because they can't stand each other's cheek!

Cake

You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”

Mom

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Cookie

How do you piss off a disabled person?

You put the cookie on the other shoulder.

Sperm Bank

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

Poo

Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!

Question

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

Cake

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Salad

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?

The salad could be dressing!

Box

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

Trampoline

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

House

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Friend

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.