Etiquette jokes
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.