If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.
Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.
So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
