I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
