Employment jokes
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.