Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Employment Jokes
Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."
Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,
"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."
And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
Why did the flamingo cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.
Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.
