I got a job at the can factory but it is soda-pressing
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Today; Worst day ever
My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
I have a great job for you but you have to start it off... knock knock... Who's there? I don't know?!?!
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
