Employment jokes
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
My dad has a pretty shitty job.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.