Employment jokes

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."