Employment jokes
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Why is it that a physically disabled gay white male will refuse to ask his boss that is an abled bodied gay white male for an increase in his paycheck?
Since he has a very big white dick in his mouth, that could be the reason why.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"