Employment jokes
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?
I love working at an orphanage.
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.