Education jokes

Why did the rapper go to school?

To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!

Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?

Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.

Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!

What do inner city schools and databases have in common?

Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 ate 9.

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce out of school early!

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my anus?"

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?