What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Yo mama so fat, Bill Gates went broke trying to buy her dinner.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
I charge 50 bucks a suck.
Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
