Eating jokes
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.
You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"