Eating jokes

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

'Cause mommy never gave them some.

You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

What does iCloud eat for lunch?

Your documents.

Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.

What does Stephen Hawking eat?

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?

They both eat from trash.

Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.

You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.

Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?

A: He was scared the juice might come out.

Why did Spencer eat cheese?

Because he was Jewish.

What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?

10 year olds.