Eating jokes
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
If you eat pussy, and if you are what you eat, does that mean eating pussy makes you a pussy?
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.