Eating jokes
I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.
I think someone must've poached it.
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
I eat dick.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
I eat kids.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
Why do fat cows eat fat cows? Because I wrote this in America.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
What do squats eat? Numbers.
Why didn’t the moon eat dinner?
Because it was full! 🌕
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."