Eating jokes
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
What did the fork say to the cake?
A: "I want a piece of you!"
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
How do you eat a cake?
With a fork!
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.
I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.
Why did Zozo the hobo cross the road?
To eat the Pringles.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."