I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
Eating Jokes
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
D: Johnny, Johnny.
J: Yes, Papa?
D: Eating sugar?
J: No, Papa!
D: Telling lies?
J: No, Papa!
D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)
Do they say you are what you eat?
That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Why did the Roman not eat BBQ chicken?
Because he "wasn't a veggatarian."
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
Why did the African win the food eating contest?
Beginner's luck.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
