I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
Why did the African win the food eating contest?
Beginner's luck.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow
When I woke I was being sexually abused
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
What kind of fish do people eat?
Deep-fried fish.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Jo Mama is so dumb, she tried to eat the Super Bowl.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
