Drink jokes
Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?
Kids: Me!
Man: *unzips fly*
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”
The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.