What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
What's a rapper's favorite drink?
RHYME-A-RITA
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks
Because they're afraid of ice
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Me, a Chinese woman and he BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!" Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" UwU
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
