One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Roses are Red, Violets are blue, U make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz, It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
So i made a parody for "Me,Myself,And i" it goes like this " Me,Myself,And , im gonna drink bleach until i die!"
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks
Because they're afraid of ice
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink. Dairy free.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
I like this Russian girl but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka
The little camel asks his mother: Mum why do we have these big humps? Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can drink. And mum. Why do we have this large fur? Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don’t feel cold. And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs. Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot sand. But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks then he'll have to call his pub a Mars Bar
Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says “buy me a drink”. She’s replies angrily “ get ur own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink.” Trump responds “the kind that will grab you by the p***y”.
i had to stop drinking because i got tired of waking up in my car driving 90
Why do your orphans don’t drink beer. Because last time they did he went to suck some dudes toes then he try to take him to his parents but I guess that never happened
My Daughter is Super Smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem.
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
wtas aenergy drink orphans nevver tried ''mother''
drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns
