Dont jokes

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

Why can't two Asians make a white baby?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...

I have no beef with them.

What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?

Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?

Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.

Fat guy: Thinking.

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.

(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.

An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3