Dont jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.

You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

Why can't orphans watch PG?

They don't have any parental guidance.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

Hey guys, I have a question.

Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?

Why don't paralyzed people laugh?

They hate stand-up comedy.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.