Dont jokes
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
What is an oven that you don’t own? Nacho oven.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Bruh, don't be punny.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
Roses are red,
I don't know what is brass.
I tell myself,
"Don't touch grass."