Doctor Jokes

Jimmy

Anonymous
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Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.

1

Delivery

Like this
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A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn't delivery,it's digiorno"

Enough

Yo Mama sucs Deez Nuts
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough....🥵🤣

Nut

Anonymous
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I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

Money

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It’s true women do make less money than men But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

Woman

ThatGuy420
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A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'

Flower

dev
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Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*

Nut

Troy Adams
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A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

4

Enough

Anonymous
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My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

Star

Big man
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So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"

0

Toe

Dawn
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A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

Wife

Anonymous
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The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't

Hospital

Gavino RoyHitty BOI
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I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

Politics

Anonymous
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9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

9

Roast

Anonymous
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You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

Difference

Anonymous
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What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

News

joel
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The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.

Boat

Anonymous
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Where do sick boats go? -- The dock!

0

Hospital

Anonymous
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There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

Problem

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The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.