Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
up into the sky so very far here comes Dr. Seuss ALLAHU AKBAR, at the ripe old age of 97 he committed 9/11
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract." Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
Where do sick boats go? -- The dock!
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.
What's the best haircut.
Chemotherapy
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive." to the corona patients
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Person: I broke my arm in three places
Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? -- For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well he’s all right now!
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Why did the tamale go to the hospital
tamalito
