Person: I broke my arm in three places

Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

“Knock know” “Who’s there” “Doctor” “Doctor who”

“Doctor who”

What time is it you spran an ankle or an arm ? Time to go to the doctor 🥼

Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because he had a sour stomach.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor because he felt crummy

The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

“People need me for my excellent medicine!” and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,

“People are in need of my great knowledge!” and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

“You are to young. Take the final parachute and go.” The geek instead says,

“No, there are two parachutes left, the ‘smart’ one took my backpack.”

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live - the doctor replied tu-more

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)


“Mom? Don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital.”

“Aaron, you’ve been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that.”

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

Doctor: “Does your penis burn after intercourse?”

Patient: “I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”

A man gets an email from his doctor

“Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it’ll be at your house tommarrow”

The man thinks to himself “oh shit! Then what have I been taking?”

So I ran into my Specialist Doctor and he said “pick a star sign, any star sign” so I said "Capricorn " and he said “nah you got cancer”.

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, “Well, the damn neighbor Sally’s braces are to sharp.”

/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" “To the morgue.” “What? But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet.”

When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants and it was drivin me nuts

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

“A man came running into a hospital saying” -DOCTOR DOCTOR!!! I CANT FEEL MY LEGS! “The doctor replied” -I know I amputated your ARMS!