So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," say Satan. "What is it?" The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl." Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?" The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.
Why did the polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife? To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive...
Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's.". The old man says "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"
What does a pizza delivery man and a ginacologist have in common? They can both smell it but they can’t eat it
Doctor: you don't have long to live. 10... Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It’s called Enditol.
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you ...”
