A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replyed: Till december
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
What do you call a cat with a live in doctorz?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away, not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Man Goes To The Doctor He Has A Banana sticking out of one ear , a carrot stinking out of the other ear and a green been stinking out of one nostrils. "Doctor, I'm not feeling well" the man complains. " Well, it's no wonder" The Doctor replies " You're not eating right"
why did the cucumber go to the doctor because he wasn't peeling well
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't cancern me
Knock Knock! Who's there? Doctor Doctor Who?
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor? “I can na-zi.”
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar
When the doctor saw this, he said
"From Type 2 Diabetes"
Get it?
D NO DOCTOR START WITH A AND A+
why did the vampire go to the doctors? because of his coff'in.
a Woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks... "Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
A father of a young girl comes and meet the doctor. Father : Doctor...... How is my daughter's report ? Doctor : Congrats..... Your daughter is pregnant. Father : WTF ?????? Mt daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the dr said (0) he said take these tablets (2x) a day but she took them (4x) a day and she ended up boobless
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
