Disease jokes

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).

So, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar—oh, wait a minute! Rewind!

So, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

What disease do you get from eating fish?

Salmonella!

Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

What do you call an overly clingy child?

A tumor.

How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?

What does a bird say when it gets sick?

I flu!