Disease jokes

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?

Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.

Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

Yo mama so stupid, she made Patrick run away because he thought it was contagious! 🤣

Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

What disease do you get from eating fish?

Salmonella!