Disability jokes
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?
Artistic.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
What do you call all down syndromes?
Twins.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."