Disability jokes

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.

What do you call a bunch of bi-racial, retarded kids? Mixed vegetables.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

How did the retard win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.

Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

What did the Asian people name their retarded son?

Sum Ting Wong.

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, she's still trying to open it...

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.