Disability jokes

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

What did the Asian people name their retarded son?

Sum Ting Wong.

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, she's still trying to open it...

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Well, neither did she!

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

POV: I made a blind joke.

"That isn't funny. What if Helen Keller saw that?"

What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.