Disability jokes
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.