Disability jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.