Disability jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,
Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?