Disability jokes
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
I'm the autism.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
That's a knee slapper, or should I say, a wheel slapper?
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
What are wheelchair users experts at?
Being lazy.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.