Disability jokes
What do you call a disabled person called Gerald?
GERALD!
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?
Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.
Hi. My name's Stephen Hawking. What's your disability?
When a sign says "Do Not Walk on the Grass," it does not apply to Stephen Hawking.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
At least Stephen Hawking could go on a pub crawl.
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.