Diet jokes

What do you get when you gobble down sweets?

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

I eat cockroaches.

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."

What do you call a gay man that is not a vegetarian?

A cocksucker.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

Why did the Indian man eat a cow?

Because he wanted to be fat like one.

Why did the Indian man eat a cow? Because he wanted to be fat.

Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!

What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?

Trans-fats.

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."