Diet jokes
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
I'm not fat!!
I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."