Diet jokes

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

What do you get when you gobble down sweets?

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

I eat cockroaches.

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."

What do you call a gay man that is not a vegetarian?

A cocksucker.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.