Die Jokes

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

a priest sees a man about to commit suicide the man says "I have nothing to live for here I will die go to heaven and get 72 virgins" then the priest says "no need for this I will take you to the local elementary school"

I wanna die

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die. But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I wont die because the potato is already dead and cant attack my immune system.

Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died because they don't fear him anymore

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

What do birds and children have in common? If you shoot them they die.

Why did Technoblade die??

He couldn't respawn in real life!!

Why doe my kids die

Stinky Oussy :D

girlfriend: you remind me of a cell phone

girlfriend's ex: why?

Girlfriend: because your about to die

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

A kid had school today. He was late every single day. He said in his mind, I wish I can go to school again. What happened? Its obvious...... He died :)