Die jokes
Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
You die. LOL!
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"