Didnt jokes
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
Why didn't the Asian get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀
British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.