Dick jokes
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
Girl lol feel dick in mouth on you.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
I fucked the shit outta of my friend's mom with my 8 inch dick (Adrian). PS. Sorry, Adrian!
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
What do you call a feminazi that has a dick the size of a Vienna Sausage?
Fudge Packer.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.