Dick Jokes

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

The image shows a text conversation where someone typed 'Big Dicks in his little brothers bum.' and another person replied with 'Cat*.' The first person said 'what' and the other person asks 'which word is supposed to be cat'. Below this is a picture of Sheldon Cooper from the TV show 'The Big Bang Theory', with text overlaid that says, 'I don't need sleep. I need answers.'

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"