Dick jokes
I'm hard right now.
'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
Guys, why are we being racist? Why can't we love each other, please? Gimme that dick, boy. Please stop fighting. Let's love each other and them big ole dicks, please. Gimme that dick. I hate racism.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
My dick is longer than your life.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.
When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Dick.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.