Dick jokes
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
I like dicks... sporting goods.
Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."
Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.
Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?
Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
What's that Pokemon that evolves into macargo?
Slugma.
Slugma dick.
Dick muncher.
What goes in dry and comes out wet?
A dick.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?
Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
Dick.
So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.
Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.
PENIS PENIS
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
My dick itches.