Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
"The size doesn’t matter" - Ana from Frozen.
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
My dick harder than stone, man.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
It turns into ligma.
Brother: What's ligma?
Big Brother: Ligma dick!
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Why did Kenny die?
Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?
Does that dick match that forehead? 👀
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
