Dick jokes

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

Suck my dick when you lay. I have to say you are gay.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?

Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?

Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?

Tyler: Pineapple

Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.

Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?

Frankie: Right now.

Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?

Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.

Tyler: I thought you never asked.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

Why are Indians dark?

Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"