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Dick jokes

Why do Republican men hate transgender people?

Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!

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    • A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

    (Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

    McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

    Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?

    He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

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    • Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

    I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

    She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

    A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

    The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

    The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

    A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

    During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

    Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"