Death jokes
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...