Death jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.
(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.