Death jokes

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Suicide.

Suicide who?

Suicide you.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?

They can’t say no.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

I was going to tell a dead baby joke...

I decided to abort.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.