Death jokes

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

SPOILER ALERT...

I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!

Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?

What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin : )

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

I was going to tell a dead baby joke...

I decided to abort.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?