Death jokes
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.