Death jokes

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin : )

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”