Death jokes
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?
So they can reunite with their dead family.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.