Death jokes

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

What was the first thing Thanos snapped?

Loki’s neck.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

A bath bomb.