Death jokes
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
What did death say during a helicopter crash?
KOBE!
I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
What did Superman say to Batman?
Nothing, Bruce is dead.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"