Death jokes
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
Why did the orphan kill himself?
Why drink water and not bleach?
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!