Death jokes
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who hits the ground first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo kid.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
He is dead.
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?
Because they never came home.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.