Death jokes
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.